5 Biggest Mistakes
That Can Cost You Thousands
by Kay Larrabee, The Divorce Concierge

Last month I talked about being prepared for life’s challenges-including divorce. But the reality is that we do not prepare for the possibility that a divorce will happen in our lives, and that makes it all the more difficult when it happens. Much of my business involves working with women to quickly take actions that will help prepare and protect them as their divorce moves forward. But the fact is that they could have been prepared all along if they did not buy into the five biggest mistakes women make before a divorce that can cost them thousands.

1. Think that divorce will never happen to them (live in denial)
   When I speak with women, it is easier for them to imagine their spouses dead, rather than divorced. No one wants to face the possibility that their marriage will fail. Of course we enter into marriage with the expectation that it will last. However, the reality is that at least 50% of marriages will end in divorce.
   
2. Don’t Plan for Divorce
   Once again, we are dealing with the denial factor. If we refuse to acknowledge that a divorce could happen, it is unthinkable that we would plan for it. Isn’t that showing your lack of faith in your relationship? If I plan for a divorce won’t my spouse think I don’t trust/love him?
   
3. Give Away Their Power
   Women are taught from a young age to give away their power. We are the people-pleasers. We are the caregivers. We acquiesce to our parent’s desires, perhaps giving up a personal career dream for the life they have envisioned for us. We put our needs aside to support our spouse and care for our children. We let our spouse handle all of the finances and investments.
   
4. Don’t Invest in Themselves
   We are so busy doing for others that we do not take care of ourselves. When was the last time you pursued an educational opportunity, or a certification in an area of interest? How about your health? Do you make time for exercise and self-care?
   
5. Become Complacent (stay in an unhappy relationship)
   It is so much easier to stay in a familiar situation rather than face the unknown.

So how do you avoid these mistakes? First, you need to stay connected to family, friends and community. Second, commit to life-long learning. Our education should not stop with a college diploma, particularly where technology is concerned.  Third, keep growing. This can include learning new skills, but perhaps more importantly, it means opening yourself up to new experiences, people and ideas. Fourth, stay in the workplace. You can be a strong role model for your children while bringing home a paycheck and building your own retirement fund. Fifth, take an active part in finances-both joint and individual.

I know that some readers would have preferred that I give them a list of specific tasks such as, locate bank statements and copies of household bills. Create a household budget But the reality is, if you follow the five guidelines above, there will be no need for me to lead you through these steps because you will already have a complete knowledge of your finances. More importantly, you will have taken a huge step in overcoming the most debilitating element in your life-fear.

Just think about it. If you have a career that provides an income, health benefits and a retirement fund; are confident that your skills are up to date; are knowledgeable regarding finances; and have a network of family and friends- the fear of moving forward in your life disappears.